When the darkness closes in

So you know the saying "Art imitates Life".  Well, if you've seen my latest WIP or any of my facebook statuses you know where my state of mind has been.  I try hard to fight off the darkness.  But sometimes it just is.  And it feels like it's closing in.  

I have many fewer dark days than I did just a couple of years ago.  Of course when one is grieving every day feels like a dark day.  Now, after some time has passed they seem to come and go.  I try to remain calm and realize it is just a day, it will be over soon.  And be gentle with myself, not expecting too much.  It's on these days that creating really helps.  I think it helps me focus and stay calm.  Sometimes I paint.  Sometimes I am moved to write something.  Yesterday I did not feel like painting, or writing, drawing, or doing much of anything.  So I sat at my desk in my studio.  Sometimes I just sit and stare for hours.  Thinking...  I guess it ends up being a sort of meditation for me.  And after a while I worked on her.  


It is hard for me to show hope in the darkness.  I struggle with seeing it myself.  It's an interesting world we live in, if you think about it.  I saw this quote recently on the To Write Love On Her Arms facebook page.  It read ‎"We are artisans. We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful, or debase it into ugliness. It's in our hands." – Cathy Better   I often wonder if this is true.  If it is the responsibility rests solely with ourselves doesn't it?  Does everything come down to a choice?  I learned recently that most of our lives do.  I had no idea.  


So today I remind myself, and you, to be calm.  The choice is up to you.  I choose me.  I choose love.