Love is the Movement

Life is not a fairytale.  There is no 'happily ever after' I'm learning.  I have learned this, the hard way.  There are always ups and downs.  Sometimes there are even bottom places where we land and have to look for help.  For me words help, art helps, music helps. I think these are true for a lot of people.

I think I have always known the struggle and the pain with which many suffer.  I thought it was just that I was a melancholy person.  I tried everything I could think of to get out of the pit I was in. Looking for help out from a bottom place once I stumbled upon Renee's story.  Her story touched me so deeply. This was the first time I'd heard of such love. From mere mortals. I was convinced this did not exist.   To Write Love On Her Arms is a group, or a movement I found one day graffitied on a college bench where I sat with my son and a friend from Art class- The name intrigued me and I had to know what it meant.  To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.   I read Renee's story and was so moved by it, by the fact that there were such loving, caring people out there.   People who would give everything to help a total stranger who was suffering.  It touched me so much I had Love tattooed on my arm by a great guy named Turbo at Goodfellas tattoo.  A daily reminder that there is hope, there is love, there are people who care, and I am not alone.

This is a group that has been very near and dear to my heart.  A cause I gladly support.  There are many people in this world suffering with depression and loneliness.  It breaks my heart to hear of children taking their own lives because they had reached their end, and felt there was no hope.  I know that place well.

I'm not sure what inspired me to write about this, this day.  I can only imagine someone needed to read this.  If you are suffering I am here.  You are not alone.  I have found that love helps, and caring friends help.  I know they are hard to come by.  But this group reminds me that they do exist.

photo credit ©2009-2010 ~Siluriformes

Please love.  There is enough pain in this world.  Here is one of my all time favorite quotes



"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Philo

and be kind to you.  It's a tough lesson to learn sometimes, but a necessary one.  It all starts with love.











Love is the Movement!

You Are Not Alone

Quack, quack, quack, quack!  This is what I hear as I sit here contemplating what to post today.  So much going on in the last week or so.  The ducks have grown into their 'quack' now, which I find a lot more pleasant than the loud peeping they did before.  The chicks are almost chickens now, with the exception of Brownie who is just small still.  I didn't mention this in my last post, but I believe Brownie was younger than the others when we got her, and she is the one who has not grown much yet.  She still needs lots of warmth.   We have taken to putting the chickens out with the ducks every day and as I mentioned they all stick together.  What I didn't tell you is how they all huddle around Brownie when she needs warmth.  They protect her, and watch after her.  They have since the beginning.  It's like they instinctively know she needs warmth, and they surround her.  

This is how they sleep.  Surrounding Brownie.

Last year I started Art Journaling.  I found it very healing to do this daily.  It also served as a proving ground for new techniques.  These last few months I have not had the inclination to art journal either.  So I carried it around with me daily, and hoped the muse would visit once again.  But nothing.  Over the last couple of weeks; possibly because I once again feel in need of comfort and healing; I have started art journaling again daily.  Sometimes more than once a day.  And with all the things going on in my head lately- sometimes even in the middle of the night.  I still write in my traditional journal.  I actually do a lot of writing as I find that a source of healing as well, but when I distill my days, or my thoughts, my state of mind into a picture, a thing of beauty that I can look back on and remember, it is very satisfying.  And honestly beauty, color, and sparkles make me happy.  

It's hard to see the sparkles here, but they are there.
Bad lighting, sorry.

My kids tease me, as I am very much like my Gramsy in that I love anything sparkly or cute.  "Oooh Shiny" they often say as I am distracted from whatever task by something.  It's their way of reminding me to focus.  I struggle with that.  I would much rather be in a dreamland than focus on the facts, which is interesting since I have always thought myself a realist, and I love the truth.  Sometimes I find things just too frightening, or too big to contemplate  in the moment, so I am easily distracted.  Especially by shiny things.  Just like my Gramsy.  My sister and I once cleaned her dresser for her.  There must have been hundreds of teeny little boxes of jewelry and little sparkly things.  Bought and placed neatly in her drawer, or jewelry box, but probably never worn.  

This is where my head has been.   I have come out of solitary, and am finding ways to focus on what I need to  focus on to find some peace.  It is not an easy thing.  The truth sometimes is not.  But I know it's what I need and that it will get easier.  Remembering to create something beautiful everyday, even if it's just beautiful to me, helps.  Words  help.  Another post on that later.  Here are some images from my art journal lately. 

 I have to keep reminding myself that I am not alone.  My many peeps remind me of that visually, and daily.  This is my reminder to you.  You are not alone. 

My peeps

When the darkness closes in

So you know the saying "Art imitates Life".  Well, if you've seen my latest WIP or any of my facebook statuses you know where my state of mind has been.  I try hard to fight off the darkness.  But sometimes it just is.  And it feels like it's closing in.  

I have many fewer dark days than I did just a couple of years ago.  Of course when one is grieving every day feels like a dark day.  Now, after some time has passed they seem to come and go.  I try to remain calm and realize it is just a day, it will be over soon.  And be gentle with myself, not expecting too much.  It's on these days that creating really helps.  I think it helps me focus and stay calm.  Sometimes I paint.  Sometimes I am moved to write something.  Yesterday I did not feel like painting, or writing, drawing, or doing much of anything.  So I sat at my desk in my studio.  Sometimes I just sit and stare for hours.  Thinking...  I guess it ends up being a sort of meditation for me.  And after a while I worked on her.  


It is hard for me to show hope in the darkness.  I struggle with seeing it myself.  It's an interesting world we live in, if you think about it.  I saw this quote recently on the To Write Love On Her Arms facebook page.  It read ‎"We are artisans. We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful, or debase it into ugliness. It's in our hands." – Cathy Better   I often wonder if this is true.  If it is the responsibility rests solely with ourselves doesn't it?  Does everything come down to a choice?  I learned recently that most of our lives do.  I had no idea.  


So today I remind myself, and you, to be calm.  The choice is up to you.  I choose me.  I choose love.