Life is pain.
There is just no way around it. I'm not sure it's as painful for some, as for others, but we must all have our share of heartaches.
My lamp has moved. Did I mention that? Right now I sit here in someone else's bed, in someone else's house crying my eyes out. I am missing my firstborn who moved out just as we were moving. To another state! Everytime I see him, or hear his voice I flood the earth with my tears and feel as though my heart will burst open.
I hate crying.
I hate pain.
It makes me wonder about life. If life is in fact pain can I bear it much longer? I'm not so sure. I have cried a lifetime of tears already, and there are many, many more to come. Who can be positive in the face of such facts? Clearly not I.
I'm trying so hard to change my thinking, and be a more positive person, less realist. But when I hurt how can I be positive? It's just not me. And I have hurt my whole life. The pain just never seems to end. It did let up for a while but then traumatic events occurred that make me wonder, does it ever really end? I'm afraid it does not. And I think that scares me more than anything else.
this is my message to the universe... please. help. me